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While dreaming, my brain convinced my penis that it could create an offspring with someone in my dream. My boxers, and my experiment, was ruined.Masturbation: A revised, revised definition.Masturbation is the conscious sexual stimulation of one’s own genitals for sexual arousal or other sexual pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm.After a few beers later that day, I reasoned that if I had a wet dream, I might as well masturbate, too. I’ve already expelled what had been marinating in my balls for 10 days (is that how biology works), so whatever benefit I was to reap in terms of heightened creativity was gone. I might as well enjoy myself and pick back up tomorrow.After I did, I felt empty.Not only in my testicles, but cosmically empty, tired, done. My experiment was over, and the release was not any more satisfying than a regular Saturday morning hungover rubbing. I had been holding onto my purpose, and now it was gone.Which purpose was stronger: my biological purpose to orgasm and. "Well, I'm not supposed to tell anyone about this, but I gave Dad head about six weeks, two days, and 4 hours ago."Mark sprayed out a mouthful of the beer he was drinking and stared incredulously at his sister. Finally he said, "Bullshit!" No, I swear it's true!" Lynn protested."I don't believe you." Mark, you've got to believe me. I've been bursting at the seams to tell someone for weeks, but I can't tell any of my silly friends because they'd slip up and spill the beans to Mom for sure. And that's assuming they just don't tattle and run straight to her with the story. What can I do to convince you I'm telling the truth?"Mark narrowed his eyes and looked at his sister speculatively. "Well, there is one thing. No, never mind; you wouldn't do it." I will, I swear," Lynn pleaded. "Just tell me what it is and I'll do it." Well, if you really sucked off our old man, you wouldn't have a problem taking off your sweat shirt off and holding your hand over your heart as you tell the story.".
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