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Brenda didn't think of what she had done as a homosexual act but as aviolation of her as a young woman. Did all girls feel this way the firsttime or was she an exception, she wondered."Annie, may I ask you something very personal?" Brenda asked."You can ask me anything, what is it dear?" The first time you had sex with a man, did you feel ashamed?" The first time, my, my, that was a long time ago. My first time waswith George Kearney when I was only fourteen. He was a neighbor boy andit just happened, you know hormones flying and all. I felt like such afool for doing it with him, I didn't really like him that much, it justhappened. I felt bad for losing my virginity that way but I got over it,why do you ask?" Because I had my first experience and I feel just terrible about it,"Brenda said."Honey, the first time is always the hardest, do you love the guy?" That's just it, I don't and yet I had sex with him, was I wrong Annie?" Brenda, with something like that there isn't a right or. Perhaps I need to face my reflection and see if I truly see myself in her eyes or if the person I was is now truly behind me in the distance. Perhaps, what it all comes down to a single bare truth: I am weak now, weak with my love for both of you and I would rather face her and the death that will follow than have to face it in the eyes of either of you. I love you both too much to live without you. If that’s my ultimate failing tonight, so be it, as I have indulged in far worse when it comes to entertaining my selfishness in life. Do not be sad for me. With you, I have found redemption and love in equal measure and that has saved me as much as anything else. Even though I leave you behind, I never truly will. I am yours in this life and the next. Bryana It was all Neral could do not to weep. Instead she had folded the paper neatly into fours and handed it to him as she contemplated the valley ahead and the jagged teeth ahead of them, ‘How could she just leave?’ Deres looked to her,.
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