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We were discussing it and my viewwas, "I don?t know if I could ever like a guy like that." And Stef?s,"Well, though most of my experiences were traumatic, I did have sexwith one guy who I didn?t mind. In fact, if I?m honest I reallyenjoyed sex with him." At my look of incredulity she added:, "When youhave sex with someone you love it doesn?t matter if they are boy orgirl, I?m talking about you silly."With my body and face healing well, Stef discussed what ourexpectations might be with regards to other people. At first, Ithought she was trying to get me to ?be? with someone. But what shewas trying to say, but poorly, was that I needed to work on my voice ifI wanted to be stealth or if I didn?t care then many people wouldlikely clock me as a transsexual. She didn?t pressure me as she didn?tget to make that choice for herself, she was made to sound feminineweather she liked it or not, but I could make that choice for myself.I told her, "Stef, your opinion matters to me. I would. Trust is another strong emotion."Kneel" he tells me. I do. There is no other choice for me, though he's done nothing more than speak softly. My legs wouldn't carry me away if I wanted to run.I want to put my face in his lap, I want to feel him in my mouth, to please him that way. Instead though, he only traces my lower lip with his thumb. I can smell him, his soap, his cologne, and it only increases my desire. He's teasing me, and he knows I can hardly stand it. As he lets his thumb slip into my mouth, I draw it in with slow sucking motions. He lets it slide in and out slowly, feeling my tongue, the inside of my cheek, my teeth. I can't help wondering what he's thinking as he touches me this way. Before him, it would have been difficult for me to imagine something so simple being so very intimate."You're wet" he declares calmly. It's not a question, rather a statement of fact. I nod as best I can with his thumb deeply pressing into my mouth. I can barely make out his features in this.
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