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I knew all this because I had met them all on a trip to Paris a coupleof years back. We had both taken 2 weeks of vacation to add toRachel's business travel agenda and had a great time exploring Parisand the wine country of France. While we were there Honor? invited usto visit his family estate about an hour outside of Paris. We stayedthere for 3 days and 2 nights and his family gave us a great tour ofthe estate and their wine making operation. It turns out his familyhad been making wine on that estate for several hundred years. Andthey were still rich enough with old European money to do just aboutanything they pleased. I liked Honor?'s mother a lot because she didnot have an attitude even though she was a famous model and directdescendent from an African king of some sort. Honor? and his fatherwere arrogant and acted like being from an important old family line inFrance gave them some kind of special status. They both fit thestereotype of snooty Frenchmen.They did give us. I thanked her and we finished lunch. I thought of that conversation the rest of the week. I wondered if deep down I did feel unworthy. Maybe she was right to ask that question. Maybe it was a question I needed to consider.Looking back I tried to remember a time when I knew a relationship with a man that was unfettered. My father had been demanding. He was never pleased with me or proud of anything I accomplished. He spent most of my early childhood ignoring me when he could or beating on me when he couldn't and most of my teen years chastising me. My grandfather had no use for granddaughters and chose, instead, to give his attention to my male cousins.Before Billy and I became more than friends I had dated a couple of different guys. They only wanted to hike my skirt up. It was always something that the men in my life wanted, whether it was sex or for me to be something I'm not. They never just wanted me for me. Maybe the problem was that I believed myself to be unworthy of a man.
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