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You’re not. Not with me. Not with yourself. I want you to understand that. I want to help you.’ It wasn’t a rehearsed speech on her part, and she was both surprised and elated that she’d come out with it. ‘You want me to quit drinking? Is that it?’ His voice was racing toward that belligerent tone she knew all to well. ‘Do you need an excuse? I’ll give you one if you want,’ she shot back. Sometimes she knew him better than he knew himself. Paul shifted on the piano bench. ‘Maybe I can balance the two.’ ‘What two?’ ‘Work and family. Drinking and . . .’ She forced a smile. ‘Please, be honest with us.’ ‘Okay, Ellen. I love you,’ he said, ‘Honest, I do.’ ‘Prove it,’ she responded, hoping desperately that he meant what he’d just said. He stood, crossed the room and offered his arms. She folded into him naturally and wrapped around him like a vine. A tear drifted down her cheek. ‘Need more proof,’ she said in a muffled voice and trembled against him. He hugged her tighter. Ellen let out a. I was angry with her, and she was a total slut whore, but she was still my mother. She probably didn’t love me at all after what I’d done to her. For sure she wouldn’t after all the things I was planning on doing with her as long as I could keep her under my control.I woke up to someone shaking me. My bedside lamp was on, and my mother was there wrapped up tight in her bathrobe. She had her angry face on and was trying to be as not-sexy as she possibly could.“We need to talk,” she said in her pissed off your-in-big-trouble whisper voice.I was still fuzzy from just waking up. “What?”“Listen, Alex, I was very mixed-up about things after you walked in and surprised me that day.” It sounded like she’d planned out and practiced what she was saying. “I wasn’t thinking straight when I let you manipulate me into doing those despicable things you made me do. I shouldn’t have let you get away with that, but I can’t do anything about it now. But don’t think for a second I’m going to let you get.
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