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All people were perfectly sculpted women in these scenarios, the only difference among us being that some women had penises. And of course every one of them wanted to put theirs in me. My self-loathing continued to grow. I was naive. I couldn’t bring myself to date other women. What girl wants a boy who fantasizes about being a girl during sex? What female wants to have sex with a boy who dresses himself in lingerie because he likes the way the fabric feels on his freshly shaven skin? No young woman in the church would tolerate that. Still, I couldn’t stop playing out these fantasies in my head and acting them out alone in my dorm room on the weekends. The result was an overwhelming guilt. My fantasy world became a place of masochistic sex with penis wielding women. It was a place where I was a bad girl who needed to be punished. I found a new kind of enjoyment in all of this. I imagine it’s just as difficult to explain the allure of masochism as it is to explain sexual preference.. " "The D&G Light Blue? I found a receipt for it in Jacob's pants last week," she said. "And it's not the first receipt for Light Blue I've found. I don't wear it, he gets it for all his girls. Did you see her 'sister' give it to her or did she just tell you that? Kind of a big coincidence, don't you think? I smelled it on Brooke on the drive up here. It's the moment when I was finally convinced. Not that the endless long brown hairs in his laundry and their little pet names for each other weren't convincing enough." I didn't see Jennifer give Brooke the perfume... Fuck... Tyler thought to himself. He stood up, his breaths getting short, his throat and chest feeling like it had been hollowed out. "Jesus, I think, I think you're right... They're cheating. I think they're fucking cheating. Christ... I'm going to go get her now an--" "No... No, sit down. How about we do them one better? Watch this," Amy said and walked over to the couch where her drunk husband was sleeping. She gave.
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