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. I wanted to be her – in the middle of the circle, with the dog fucking me ... And everyone watchin’ ... I used to try and figure out how to piss the boys off – hoping I’d get thown to the dogs ... But my fella ... He was the type who was more likely to beat the shit out of you, or throw you off a moving bike, that make you have sex with a dog...” She shrugs. “So I didn’t do anything. I just kept watching her do it ... Until the dog died, and not long after that they just left her at the services on the M1...”“I never forgot those dog sessions ... I used to think about them all the time...”We change angles, having cut a good ten minutes of her life-story... “My man ended up in prison ... The gang wasn’t the same without him ... My dad died, and my mam got sick ... So, I came home to look after her ... And it took years for her to die, and I forgot all about bikes, and life on the road, and sex ... And then, after she died, I bought this bike...” She indicates the bike she’s sitting. .. because I maybe was wanting a little revenge.”She laughed gently. “I know.”“I hope you’re not mad at me.”She was watching me, but I avoided her glance. “No, Matt, everything’s fine.”We were quiet for a while. Then she spoke again. “So, is it over?” she asked softly.I sighed heavily. “Yeah, it’s over. It has to be.”There was no response from her as I listened to the waves lapping at the pilings of the pier. When I finally looked at her, I found surprising comfort and sympathy in those lively blue eyes.The night before had been somewhat of a mess. In that moment of truth, that instant where the fork in the road had opened before me, it became clear which path was wrong. Everything Lara had told me suddenly made sense. True sense. The mistakes I’d already made that summer became painfully obvious, as if displayed in completely new lighting. I felt sad looking into those brown eyes as they silently pleaded with me. But I wasn’t trapped by them anymore, or by the promise of long days.
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