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You mean…..” I was in shock “you know what I mean” she told me “what….” “I mean …. You and me have sex, there I said it…” “That’s fucked up……” I was about to stand, and Kathy held me down “wait , wait , it pays 5000 bucks…” Well I stayed on my chair, 5000 bucks, that was a lot of money, a lot of money that we didn’t have, a lot of money that could help both of us, a lot of money that we desperately needed , it wasn’t that crazy, fucked up but it got me thinking I was about to open my mouth and protest when she spoke again “5000 $ each” she said That sold me , now it wasn’t a lot of money, it was a shit load of money. We both sat there in silence, looking at each other and thinking “you know what that means right?” I asked her “I know what it means, I´ve been thinking about it all day…. But I think we can do it… it just a lot of money” she was nervous I stood up and started pacing around the room “we can do this right? It’s no big deal….it’s just sex you know…” She got up. It wasn’t the urge for release that I craved, it was the complete and utter need for sex, loud, rough, tender, emotional, dirty, sweet, quiet, ravenous, intense sex. As soon as I had smelled Cassandra’s perfume on my shirt, when I was alone and safe in my home, I knew exactly what I had needed, and what I had wanted. I realized that all of my frustration and anger I felt for letting someone, another woman—a strange other woman—so handily disarm me of inhibition, wasn’t because I was angry, I was horny. Why hadn’t there been more? Why couldn’t it have been more than the teasing touch of skin on skin? Why couldn’t there have been lips, and tongues and hands, pressure from our bodies touching, lying naked together, her fingers once more stroking my hair—why hadn’t there been so much more? Sitting on a chair in my living room I looked through the contact list of my phone. It was a Thursday evening, so I figured most of the people I knew would probably be home. I scrolled through the list.
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