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She turned to a blank page. She stared at it for a few minutes before actually writing anything. Guilt ridden, she wrote these words: I am a slave to the pain and taste, feel and touch of sex. I breathe humiliation being thrust upon me like a child being chastised. Will the Lord ever forgive me for this habitual transgression – this lust of the flesh? I feel as though I can’t shake it. Every time I think I want to let it go, I give in and give up and let the pain, not the dominant, act as my master. Will this internal struggle ever end for me? It calls out to me in the middle of the night when I am lonely. I can’t believe I actually thanked God for bringing Cassius into my life because he enjoyed giving pain as much as I enjoyed receiving it. It’s a crying shame to say I can not see a day when I will let go of this thrill and rush I get with every infliction of pain to my body. Help me, Lord! The clock on the night stand next to Cassius displayed in large red numbers the time of two. "I sacrificed one life for many. I'll make that trade any day of the week. Now, we need to talk business."With this, he laid out a property and monetary settlement. I essentially would get everything we owned, and wouldn't ever have to work. Bob would be moving on to his next assignment. Of course, our marriage was over; in fact it never existed. Within an hour, all the paperwork was signed and finished. I wanted to kill the bastard, but in this body the only way I could kill him is if I fucked him to death."Remember," he said to me, "if you breathe a word of this to anyone, both you and that person will disappear off the face of the earth. Literally. We've gotten rid of a number of 'problems' by sending them into orbit on the shuttle, and releasing them into space. Just try to enjoy your new life."And with this, he bid be goodbye and disappeared from my life. Epilogue:It was after several weeks of phone calls from Bill that I finally agreed to see him. I told him that Bob had left.
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