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Oh!But, have no fear. I got a few of those pompous assholesthat made my life miserable real good. I mean to tell you,I really embarrassed the hell out of few of them. "There was this one time I recall when the wholeschool was in the gym for an afternoon assembly. Well, whenthe vice-principle, who functioned as the school's muchhated and equally feared disciplinarian stepped up to themicrophone to read us the riot act or some other suchnonsense of his, I triggered the fart spell, and boy did itrip. I mean, when it let loose, it just kept a comin' and acomin'! "Now, I've got to tell you that I've heard somereally protracted farts in my days, but this one had tohave been not only the longest, but one of the most pungentones I've ever had the misfortune of being in the presenceof. Succinctly put, it stank to High Heavens! That's howobnoxious it was! I mean, my class was seated at the farend of the gym, and I was all the way up in one of therearmost rows, and damn if that fart didn't have. The New Celestial Army has invaded Mongolia, Laos, Vietnam, South Korea, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Kazakhstan, and Kyrgyzstan all at once. You know what they intend to do, of course. Invade and conquer any areas that still have any significant human populations and aren’t fully converted into demonkind yet. They want to build up an even larger army than they already possess,” General Suarez announced now.“Well, then, now’s the time to strike them ... and strike hard, then. Any reports on whether or not they’re using chemical weapons again, or else biological or tactical nuclear weapons, for that matter? Because if they are, those forces must be our primary targets. They cannot be allowed to poison the Earth, after all. Put me on the line with President Jovovich in Moscow,” I commanded.I wasn’t sure how much of the “massive relief,” which Gabriel promised me on Inauguration Day, would really arrive from Heaven and its host. I certainly wasn’t too sure of when it might.
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