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. but I can't change. She wants me to be different but I can't! I am who I am! I've sheltered her for too long. I know this. Never gave her any freedom. And now look what's happened." These thoughts just kept circling in his head and wouldn't leave him.He reached his home with a heavy heart this night and put the horse away. He plodded thru the door, took a big shot of whiskey, started undressing. Then picked up the bottle and took it into the bedroom with him. He drank 3/4 of it before the night was thru. He lay on the bed holding her white nightgown up to his face, he could smell her sweet lavender fragrance on it and he started to sob. Like a baby he did. Until he fell asleep with the almost empty bottle lying on the floor near the bed beside him.The next day it was almost noon and he awoke with a pounding head. At first he had forgotten the events of the night before but then reality set in as he glanced at the empty space on her side of the still made bed and his heart sank.. " Mrs. Gardner, let's sit down and talk about this," the matron said."Maybe Jonathan might like to go and change clothes and clean himselfup, while you and I talk."My mother glared at me, and finally said, "Go on, and come back as aboy. You hear me?"I nodded, red-faced now and frightened. My joy at being a girl for aday now was totally flattened. My mother didn't share my joy, it wasclear.I took my time, but first looked at myself in the mirror in my bedroom.I had to admit I liked what I saw: I saw a girl looking back at me, agirl with soft facial features and lovely shoulders and arms. How couldI ever continue to live as a boy?It took me nearly 20 minutes to return. By then, it was clear Mrs.Cooney had said something that quieted my mother down, for she welcomedme openly, saying, "Come here Jonathan."I thought she was going to spank me, but I went to her side, only to begreeted by a warm hugs and kiss. "I love you, Jonathan," she said.The two adults apparently got along fine, for it.
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