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At least I still existed. I had alwaysbelieved in an afterlife, even if I didn't want to spend my time atchurch.There was no light, there were no loved ones. This wasn't at all what Iexpected death to feel like. I wondered if I was merely in atransitional state before I entered the afterlife. I also had thehorrified thought that I was unconscious and would soon die. While I wassure I was dead, or soon would be, I hung onto the hope of somethingbetter awaiting me.Senses that were familiar slowly trickled in. At first I was blinded bylight. The abrupt change from darkness to a trickle of light blinded mecompletely. I remember thinking to myself that this must be the lightthat everyone talked about. It was so bright that I couldn't seeanything at all.Soon thereafter, other sensations began trickling in. I became vaguelyaware of my body again. I could sense two arms and two legs. I couldsense that I had a head, and a torso connecting everything.I tried to wiggle my fingers. Sat down on a chair whilst we stood like criminals under examination; and, beginning with me, asked me, with an even firm tone of voice, neither soft nor severe, but cruelly indifferent, what I could say for myself, for having abused him in so unworthy a manner, with his own servant too, and how he had deserved this of me?Without adding to the guilt of my infidelity, that of an audacious defence of it, in the old style of a common kept miss, my answer was modest, and often interrupted by my tears, in substance as follows: “That I never had a single thought of wronging him” (which was true), “till I had seen him taking the last liberties with my servant wench” (here he coloured prodigiously), “and that my resentment at that, which I was over-awed from giving vent to by complaints, or explanations with him, had driven me to a course that I did not pretend to justify; but that as to the young man, he was entirely faultless; for that, in the view of making him the instrument of my.
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