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I took a drink of my wine and concentrated on the conversation.After dinner, he walked me to my door and hugged me. He started to leave but I pulled on his hand. He swung back around and before I could think about it, I leaned up and kissed him. I don't know who was more surprised, him or me. Surprise quickly turned to pleasure as he kissed me back. His kisses were hesitant, his lips soft and supple. There was a fluttering down in the pit of my stomach and I felt lightheaded. It was as close to swooning as I'd ever come. When he let me go, I had to lean against the doorframe to keep from falling over. He smiled and kissed my forehead, then walked to his car. Neither one of us had said anything about a second date but I knew it would happen.We did go out on a second date. And a third, and a fourth, until we both grinningly acknowledged to our friends that we were "officially an item now." We'd go out to the movies, to dinner, or go dancing. Sometimes we'd just stay either at my place. Pain filled my heart with such depth and concentration I could hardly breathe.Margaret quickly realised that I was in a similar dark place to where I had been after my morphine binge. Never one to be ready with easy sympathy or affection, she touched my shoulder and I looked up at her, half blinded with tears, but recognising compassion in her eyes."I haven't got a mummy any more!" I wailed like an infant as another paroxysm seized my lungs.The truth was that Margaret knew as little about me as I knew about her. At first our relationship had been entirely based on my needs and willingness to pay. The recent deepening had been carefully conducted in such a way as to retain the privacy we both seemed to crave. Margaret jumped to the right conclusion."When did it happen?" She asked with typical brevity."Three months after ... Sarah..." I sobbed. "I never saw them again ... I mean ... the last time I saw them was so awful, and then I went to France, and Ed found me to tell me they were.
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