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The other black guy came back with her. The one with me announced that he and his friend had some great weed in their car and would anyone want to smoke some. She instantly said, "Yes." and looked at me. I declined but told her it was okay if she wanted to. She looked at me for approval and since I thought it was okay then she agreed to go with them. Off they went outside to their van.Their car was near the back of the lot and was a nice custom van with windows on the side and rear door. One opened the rear door and they got inside There was bench seat and two chairs in the back but they all sat of the bench seat. I did sneak around and could peer inside the rear window without being seen.One guy put some music on the stereo and the other pulled out some weed and lit a bowl up for their use. Each of them smoked it in deep and settled back in the seat to enjoy the effects.After a while the effects were beginning to show on them as one guy put his hand over on her leg. She didn’t remove. I remember hitting my head on the rear wall as I slammed backward. I also remember puking on myself… The fucked up thing is I remember that as the one clear time that he actually hugged me… When he said he was sorry. As I grew up I became more and more isolated, and as that isolation grew so did the anger inside of me. It grew to the point that by the time I was a teenager it started to play out in my psyche. I played football, and I wrestled. I excelled in these sports because the rage got to come out and play… Here’s how fucked up I had become, I actually enjoyed hurting people on the field, or on the mat, because it was the only time I could let the stranger out to play, and no one would get angry at me. I craved the approval of everyone around me. It made me an easy target for bullies. I was always the kid trying to make everyone else look bad. The apple polishing brown-noser who went out of his way to look superior. In truth, I just wanted someone to approve of me. The summer.
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