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I know it’s not normal, that I don’t want to have sex with you. I used to, I used to want it all the time. I’m frightened David, I just don’t know what to expect,’ she explained, quietly sobbing. ‘What if it’s being caused by something like a cancer, or some horrible, terminal disease?’ she suggested, finally revealing her deep fear. I went over to her, and kneeling down, took her into my arms. She pulled me closer and put her head on my chest. I could feel the tears as they soaked into my shirt. ‘Amanda, if you are willing to try and find out what the problem is, I’m willing to put this law suit off. I’m willing to stand with you, and get through this. But you really have to be willing to put the effort into it. I am being honest with you, I love you deeply, but I can’t continue to live the way we have been,’ I reiterated. ‘I will do what I have to do to keep you, and make us happy again, David, if you will help me,’ she pleaded, looking up, her face puffy from her crying. I kissed. Pleasure quickly followed by deep dark black hole of pain. I am broken. I cry openly and let myself shatter in all possible ways.You lift her leg over yours and insert yourself into her. She screams. You let your head fall into the crook of her neck. her arms wrap around your neck and pull you close. You thrust cautiously at first, and then you let the fear and anger take over. Rough. You pull her hips onto you and leave marks. She continues to scream in pleasure. You bite her neck as she comes on you, and you into her. Your bodies both shaking, you lie there again in absolute awkward silence.I check my phone one last time before throwing it against the wall. I turn onto my side one last time, my arms wrapped around myself again. This time it is not a gentle massage. I let my fingers claw into my sides hoping the physical pain will bring me some relief from my mental state. I claw until I feel blood well on the surface. I know in the morning I will find bruises and sores and hope.
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