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I may figure out why and I may not, but I know it to be true.”“You need to find a way to just be alone with her for several days to get it all out on the table. I don’t just mean fucking each other unconscious, though that’s important, I mean talking. Really talking. She’ll put you on the right path; I’m sure of it. None of us, not Birgit when she was alive, me, Karin, Joyce, Becky, none of us, can love you the way she does, and we never will. The bond between you two is that strong. I’m afraid that if it ever breaks, you’ll fall apart. Maybe not right away, but without her, you aren’t complete.”“Jeez, Jennifer, you sound as if you think I should marry her and have kids.”“If the world were different, you should and you would. But it’s not, so you need to find that person out there who is as close to in tune with her as you can. She thinks it’s me and I so hope she’s right. I want her to be right.”“Me too,” I breathed. “Me too.”“But you and I both know she might not be right. Lots of. Now it was time that I put those logiccircuits, the computer of my mind, to its ultimate purpose. They were something,heavy duty, Weren't they? Out think the shrink? No Problem! I'd been to plentyever since I could remember, and I?d read plenty on psychology. So, with some idea of the image I would have to present, I setup a mentalprogram. It was quite simple. I took some of the things I'd read about, andincorporated them with something like a mantra: It has to be proven. Setaside everything else, and concentrate at the task at hand. If they see yournot ready to face the challenge, they won't let you. They hold the keys. Careabout what they say. Its right. You never will be able to see what you reallyare. That was an adult view of the world. The child part of me couldn't care. It was the difference in both that had always been part of me. It was the difference that might eventually lead me to suicide. But if I could win through,then it would be over. The conflict within had found.
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