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Every night, I lie in bed and Jenny fills my thoughts. She left a huge void in my heart. Every night, the pain comes. It's more pain than I ever thought possible. It's the pain felt by her absence. Knowing I will never see her again. Worse yet, knowing that I betrayed her. The guilt was almost unbearable, but I endured it. I endured it because it was pain I deserved to feel. I wanted to feel it. I wasn't in prison, but I had to endure some punishment for what I'd done. For the terrible betrayal I inflicted on the woman I ... No, it's too late. It's too late for me to admit that. Pain is all I have now.I was never much of a drinker. Alcohol, well it just doesn't taste good and being drunk is just scary. Falling down all over the place, being out of control of your body, not being able to think straight. No thank you!But pain can do funny things to you. I started drinking. When I drank, I thought. I thought about Jenny, mostly, but other things. Strange things. Like Kathy Lee.That's how. The next, a period of growth. This will be the most important time for the government to organize and perfect the domestic administration. While I'm unworthy, I must accomplish the goals of these ten years at all costs. The third period, protection, will be in the hands of my successor. Then, the switch to a democratic form of government with an assembly open to everyone. Japan will be reborn as a nation-state. Then the Restoration will be complete.Saitou: A nation-state... A nation where the people will decide their own fate, instead of, as now and as in Edo times, having it decided for them by their superiors? A fantastic ideal.Kawaji: But an ideal he believed in... If Governor Okubo had lived... Yamayoshi: One thing worries me... Why the normally taciturn governor was so forthcoming this morning. I don't think he had any warning of his own death, but perhaps today something important was to happen that would change the future of Japan... (Later, Kenshin and Saitou are walking.
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