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Like a soldier returning from war, I would run to you. Jump into your arms and lose myself in tears, kisses, and the strength of your arms. Hear you growl and feel your need for me. But this won’t ever happen. Only dreams, nothing more. Because we won’t ever let ourselves loose.The realities of our situation are that I have yet to file legal divorce paperwork and you have decided that you will never leave. That makes our situation clear in my head. But my stupid heart. And my stupid hopes and dreams. So, I take it out on myself. Knowing that again in life, I am not enough. I will never be anyone’s top priority. And I deserve this torment because I am a whore. Always have been and always will be.I can write all these erotic stories of us and truthfully, I know that’s all they will ever be. Stories. Dreams. There is no future here. That is my cold reality. We can get a hotel and lose ourselves in the clouds for an hour or two. But then we must leave, falling suicidal to the hard. Although she came quickly, it only made her feel better for a moment. Masturbating while thinking of her son was becoming a bad habit. She needed a lover, desperately, someone to distract her from this growing obsession. The problem was, she could think of no man she knew that she desired more than she wanted Danny right that moment. She still leaned against the shower wall, hot water cascading down her back, and she could taste his mouth, minty and sweet. Now thoroughly disgusted with herself, she scrubbed violently at her scalp, quickly rinsed, and toweled dry before returning to the bedroom to try to find a distraction. She flipped through the channels on the TV, picked up and discarded a romance novel, and finally just lay down on her back, naked on the bed, and stared at the canopy. Swimming might work. The rhythm of the strokes, the sensory deprivation of having her head under water, would usually lull her into a semi-trance, where thoughts were meditative and only her body.
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