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I was chosen because I have a knowledge of the region and speak Russian, as well as Turkic and English of course. He droned on and on, never quite reaching a point to stop talking. Her first reaction was, thankfulness he did mot know. Then she felt irritation that he would not shut up. For gods sake, Bradley, will you please get to the point? I leave tomorrow and will not be back for a year. He went to the fridge and pulled the chilled gin out and took a healthy slug straight from the bottle. He shuddered and put it back. No! she exclaimed. Why? Bradley you belong here with your wife and your son. I do not have a wife, I have a warm body that sleeps next to me and never complains that I cannot be a husband or a man. The gin on an empty stomach hit him. He sat down in his chair with a thump. Christ almighty I am so miserable. He started to weep his hopelessness. Please dearest. In spite of your problem, I still love you. Hush. Something might come up yet. If anything comes up around. I was starting to panic. Had something happened to him? Had I done something to scare him away? Or, worse yet, had all this been an elaborate setup to get his revenge on me?I know it sounds ridiculous, especially given the way his family had treated me. That would have taken one huge, whopping conspiracy.Jeff had introduced me to yet another new emotion - insecurity. I didn't like it.Tuesday, no Jeff. I got his roommate. He didn't know where Jeff was. No call. Clearly, something was going on but I had no idea what.I heard nothing on Wednesday. It was like he had disappeared from the face of the earth. For a very brief moment I considered calling the FBI until I realized how completely ridiculous that would be.The ache of not knowing where he was, of just not being with him, was overwhelming. Was this the price of love or infatuation or whatever it was? I wasn't sure I was willing to pay it.On the other hand, how do I avoid paying it? How do I stop feeling the need to be with him? How.
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