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She sounded so far away. I was so lost in my own self.The fingers that were caressing me slowed and drifted to a stop. I reached and took hold of the hands so near my face and looked at them. So pretty, soft and delicate. The nails were dancing with a colored glossiness. They looked like they were made of Amethyst. I became aware of smells then. I could smell a hint of several perfumes mixed with the smell of fresh brewing coffee. I could smell chemicals so different than the others. I started to feel again, my physical body slowly joining my mind. I could feel the hands I was holding with my own. I slowly began to refocus on my surroundings. I focused from the seemingly bejeweled nails, to the hands, and then to the person.She was smiling down at me with a knowing look. I desperately needed that look! Knowing! I had to know! All my questions streamed to the surface at light speed. It was as if they knew on their own that the answers would be found! I once again rejoined the here and. She said I looked great.....from a distance.And it proved to be........I then drove into Manchester, facing those same initial fears to get outof the car. But once walking around the city centre and Arndale shoppingmall, I started to relax, became more confident. I was alone again, buthad a lot of pleasant conversations with women in stores.Some of them mentioned how brave I was, and I didn't understand it. Theyexplained that it took courage to put yourself out there when you couldbe ridiculed. I had certainly experienced that side of it.Later on that day, which I didn't rush like the first time, a womanapproached me on the concourse. We made eye contact early on, but when wegot close she averted her eyes and looked like I had strangled her cat. Ifelt a fleeting a moment of shame, one of the few of that day, but herexpression looked so ridiculous, her reaction proportionately wrong forwhat she had seen, I knew this was her problem not mine. I rememberedwhat my nail beautician had.
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