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. both the trophies of victory and the stigmata of defeat ... to know damage when she saw it. These are scars I might forever bear. But does it matter? Only if I can escape. And I can’t see how I will.Surrender suffused her every thought, increasing the intensity of her weeping. Where is my will to fight? To deny, even if it’s ultimately futile, the degradations being visited upon my body? Where is my desire for freedom? Was the death I sought so intensely pursued that I’ve forgotten how to yearn for life? Or has my once-proud strength been broken so easily? And if so, was I really ever that strong?To this harsh interrogation she had answer. It was if an unseen force was gnawing away at her very self. She couldn’t understand why she was already on the verge of giving up, and her nonexistent response to halfhearted internal pleas to resist left her crushed.As delicately as possible, she probed her sex. The damage already seemed recoverable, despite a lingering ache in the deepest. At least she wasn't coming to the party, which was one good thing. The only good thing.We sat together at lunch, Heather, Debbie, Jen and me, like always, but Jen wasn't talking to me, which made it strange. And I was a little mad at Heather and Debbie, cause one of them, or probably both of them had told Jen about the party. And she knew now, so I didn't bother waiting until I was alone with Heather and Deb, I just brought it up."I'll meet you guys at the mall, right? At seven, by the movies, okay?" I looked at Heather and Debbie and they nodded, glancing at Jen who was looking unhappy as she chewed on her peanut butter and jelly sandwich slowly."Yeah, sure," Heather shrugged."What should I wear?" Debbie asked me."Whatever you want, it's no big thing." I sort of waved my hand like it didn't matter."But I mean like a dress, or jeans?" Debbie had obviously never been to anything but some kid's birthday party, I thought.I just laughed at her. "Whatever you want. Seriously." Okay," Deb.
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