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But as that position got uncomfortable one of them took his lungi and spread it on the floor. I was at first very reluctant to lie on the floor with all their bidi butts, snack wrappers, paan spit and God knows what else. But soon my lust took over and I agreed.The first man made me drink some low grade alcohol which gave me a headache but eased my pain a bit. Then he pounded me like no tomorrow. This became a queue situation. Everyone got to pound me one by one. The others sat around watching and jerking. At almost everyone was satisfied. Now cane the turn of the teens.There were about 7 boys a ages between 18 – 20. They were shy at first but as they saw their elders going at it They could not resist. The first one was barely in when he came but the others were more lasting.As the last of them were finishing an old feeble beggar was brought forward who might have hitched a ride in the train. He was so old he was not even able to remove his rags. When he was naked he lied down and I. Offended. Offended that I thought he would leave me, that his love wasn’t as real as mine?I shook my head. It was a perfectly valid assumption, really. He was Alistair – hero, Prince, Grey Warden – and I was just ... me.I winced; I could almost hear Sigrun scolding me, telling me about how Alistair had reacted when I’d been abducted by darkspawn. Clearly he’d thought I was someone worthy ... he’d come for me, taken care of me, and he’d stayed, even after I’d tried to murder one of our friends, even after I pushed him away and spiralled into self-destructive self-loathing. He’d rescued me twice – once from the Architect, and once from myself. And somehow still I doubted his love?That did it. I had a perfect moment of clarity: I couldn’t trust him with everything, trust his judgement and his motives, his abilities and his morals ... if I didn’t trust his judgement of me. He’d had the opportunity, seen the worst of me, and he still stayed. He still loved me. Even when I ran, he always.
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