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Stumbling through the stale, hotel-like corridors in unaccustomed black patent heels, Mr. Mendelsohn again smoothed his skirt and adjusted the bag now containing his male garments. Nervously, he poised a full minute outside HER door before summoning the courage to knock loudly. As he waited for a response, he glared hatefully at the small, handwritten placard reading: "Ms. Ursula Beckett". When he heard the clicking of her lock turning, he pushed hard against the door, forcing himself in with swift severity."Land's sake, look what the cat dragged in!" laughed Ms. Beckett with a donkey's bray. Could nothing startle this woman into silence? Mr. Mendelsohn sniffed the apartment anxiously, identifying the noxious scent of potpourri. Family photos, inane knickknacks, and tacky paintings of ducks were smeared haphazardly across her pink-and-green flowered walls. This very lair filled him with revulsion. And still, her loud guffawing continued."You ARE jumpy as a little cheerleader!" she. "Welcome back, kurious," she said. "I'm glad to see you here. May I message you privately?"Elaine felt strangely wary. "Sure," she typed back.The private message box popped up. "Hi. I hope you're not busy." No, not at all," Elaine typed back. "Just relaxing and thinking about making dinner." Amen. Listen, I just wanted to say that I like you. You're okay, kurious." Well, um. Thanks." As you can imagine, 'newbies' come in all shapes and sizes. Can I give you some advice?" Sure." I just wish someone had told me this when I first arrived. Rule No. 1: Take your time. Rule No. 2: 'Make sure' before you commit to anything. Rule No. 3: If you are going to meet someone, always do it in a public place first. Rule No. 4: Always tell someone where you're going to be. Names, addresses, everything. Someone who won't give you this info is not trustworthy."Elaine copied the rules, pasting them in a new document titled Advice, in My Documents. She was proud of herself for thinking of it. "Thanks,.
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