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She had gotten over her shock, and now felt an overwhelming anger. ‘I—’ He trailed off, and Heidi thought he wasn’t going to say anything else, but then he added abruptly. ‘I came to say I was sorry.’ Heidi snorted. ‘Well thanks, that means a lot,’ she said sarcastically, and moved to unlock her car door. Jake was beside her in an instant, blocking her from getting in her car. ‘Get out of my way.’ ‘Heidi,’ his voice sounded like a plea, but he didn’t move. ‘What are you going to do?’ her voice was venomous, ‘Force me to a motel?’ ‘I said I was sorry,’ he accused, as though by saying those two little words everything was okay and she should just forgive him. ‘You’ve said what you’ve come to say, now get out of my way,’ she said, pushing him aside and turning her key in her car door. ‘Stop and talk to me a minute.’ ‘What? What do you want from me?’ she demanded, turning to look him square in the eye. ‘I want you to forgive me.’ ‘It’s not that simple Jake,’ she spat his name out. The Kathryn that suffered at their hands and the Kathryn that enthusiastically threw herself into this weekend’s fray ... all jumbled up and twisted around until I didn’t know who to trust and who to fear. What to flee and what to pursue. That’s why I woke up crying, and why I haven’t been willing or able to go back to sleep. And that’s also why I haven’t let you touch me. Because I didn’t want to associate you — the real you — with the horrible memories and the bad dreams until I’d broken their hold on me. Which telling you has accomplished.”“So, now it’s all out in the open and I can start healing myself the way I always have: by layering better memories over the bad ones. And so, my love, now that you’ve listened to something I know you never wanted to hear, you can finally help me. I’m still not ready for questions, but will you please just hold me for a while? Take me in your arms and force me to remember that you love me. That with you, I’ll always be safe.” He wrapped himself.
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