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They got what they wanted and I had companionship. I still had a sense of pride in what I was doing. I was good at it. Everyone knew that sex with me was off the table but blowjobs, not being sex, could be expected.”“You’re crazy. They were just using you for blowjobs. They didn’t respect you. That is not companionship. And being good at blowjobs is not something I would have thought to be proud of. But what about during our engagement and marriage? You weren’t a kid and we were exclusive”“I guess it was the same. I wasn’t dating anyone else as we were exclusive but if I found myself with another guy and he was excited because he found me to be sexy I saw no harm in giving him relief. If I was out with the girls at a happy hour or some event I wasn’t on a date, I wasn’t trying to pick someone up but remember, and it wasn’t cheating. It wasn’t sex. I saw it as just two people finishing off a night.”“So all the time we dated and were engaged you continued to give blow jobs to other. Pulling in his driveway, I noticed his truck was the only vehicle there, thankfully. I truly love his whole family, especially his mom, but right now they would be entirely too much. ‘Hey, glad to see you made it without a ticket’ he said, while pulling me into a bear hug. ‘Thanks, I really needed that. Help me with my stuff.’ We carried my stuff into his house and straight to the kitchen. As always, everything was already sitting out, I bake for him enough, he knows what I need for most things. Quietly, we make small talk while he watches me prepare the cookies for baking, making me laugh with his cute jokes. After the cookies finished baking, we went to his room to lie on his bed and talk about everything. I told him the seemingly long story about how I tried to surprise my boyfriend with an awesome home-cooked meal when he got home, only to find him home hours early and buck-naked with another woman. The tears I held back for those few hours rushed forward and filled my eyes..
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