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“I fucking called the EMT guys and they came out. Thank god you’re okay.” I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. My brother had almost killed me, and here he was bawling his eye out about it. I felt kind of bad for him. Over the last twenty-four hours we had been through a lot. I took his hand in mine and “shushed” him. He looked at me, still sobbing. “Dear god Becks, please don’t ever fucking die on me. I swear to god I’ll protect you from now on. And take care of you like I should. And…”I cut him off. “Ryan… please… just… don’t talk about it okay? It’s over. It’s the past. Water under the bridge, okay?” It really wasn’t but I just wanted him to stop crying. I loved him and I really did feel bad for him. He nodded some what stupidly and got in bed with me. He cuddled me close and kissed me. “I realized something, Becks.”“What?” I said after a pause. “I love you too.”“What?” I repeated. “Fucking c’mon, Becks. I’m in love with you too. Like you’re in love with me.”“No you’re not.” I said.. He tried a few times the gay saunas but the only guys that would come to him would be either too young or too old, usually the type that did not look after themselves, probably as desperate for sex and even for love and atention as himself. The quick fortuitous encounters would serve to release tension and satisfy the hormones call.Another consolation would come from online pornography and cam2cam sessions. With all the diseases Adam found it a safer way to have sex but at the same time more unpersonal. He would meet a nice guy and have a couple of chats and wanking sessions and then they would go offline permanently and leave him again in the dark. Adam even tried the dating sites but would bump only into time wasters. They would only be looking for a one night stand or even to chat their life away for weeks or even months and then also disappear from the face of the Earth.One day Adam was window shopping downtown when he came across a SPA for men. He had seen it before and pondered.
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