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” “All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece.”Her mother says, “You’re married to a multi-millionaire businessman. You live in an 8 bedroom mansion. You drive a $250,000 Ferrari. You get $2,000 a week allowance. You take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?NOW THAT’S A JEWISH MOTHER!✧ ✧ ✧From dorsetmikeShe says “Why don’t you say you love me anymore?”He replies “I said it once, I’ll let you know if the situation changes.”✧ ✧ ✧This one is from fmwarmacSo I asked my wife, “Why do you keep buying plants when you just kill them?”She said, “To remind you what I’m capable of.”✧ ✧ ✧Last week I bought a brand new boomerang, even though I can’t seem to get rid of the old one.People who put some money away each week just aren’t shopping hard enough.I bought some fridge magnets. So far, I have 10 fridges.A jellyfish walks into a hardware store and buys ten. I felt sorry for hurting her, but I thought it was the truth. She should’ve waited to see me, I was still hurting from what she had done. “I’ll do anything, I really want you back,” she sobbed. “Anything?” I asked with a grin on my face. “Yes, you can have my body. You can see me naked, you can fuck me, I’ll suck you off… I’ll even let you cum inside,” she sobbed. “Interesting,” I said. I lived in an apartment, on the third floor. Nobody could see into my apartment from outside, so I got an idea. I'd never seen her naked, but now she was offering her body to me. I wanted to make the most out of her proposition. “Here’s the deal,” I said. “You do as I say, and if you’ll be good, we’ll get back together.” Amanda nodded. “Good. Now get out of your clothes and sit on your knees in front of me,” I ordered. She got out of her dress and sat down on her knees. “What did you not understand?” She moved her hands to my fly and started to unzip it. I slapped her face softly. “Disobey me.
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