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My friends would talk about the guys they had kissed, or the guys they had held hands with at those skate-nights where all the cool kids would go and skate around in circles for hours, but I had no such tales of middle-school debauchery. And before I knew it, high school had swung around, I was 17 and thoroughly convinced that when I died at the age of 110 my obituary would read something like: Jeannie Hernandez. The only non-Nun in the history of womandom who went her whole life without getting kissed in that way ONCE! Congratulations Jeannie! Even though I felt completely resigned to such a fate, I never completely lost hope. I would practice kissing in the mirror – lean in close and smother my lips and my breath all over the dejected image that pouted back at me. By the time I was a senior in high school I had blossomed into quite a hottie, but I was still in a slump: not only was I the Un-Touched Virgin Queen, but all around me were people – people less attractive than I,. ”Eric’s blood turned cold in shock from the sight of his Uncle Eric standing over him naked offering his hand.“Are you alright?” the elder Eric asked with concern.“You’re just a dream,” Eric said as he pulled himself together.“Not exactly,” the elder Eric said as he helped his nephew to his feet.When his nephew’s face expressed his disbelief, the uncle said, “This is a dream, but I’m not.”Eric said bluntly, “Okay, but you’re dead.”“I know,” the uncle said. “And this wasn’t my idea.”“What wasn’t?”“All of this,” he said, indicating the showers before taking a bar of soap from its dish and working up a lather in his hands.“So, whose idea is it?”“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug as he bent over to soap up his legs.When Eric realized he was staring at his dead uncle’s rose, he turned towards the wall, then noticing the soap in the dish in front of him, he found himself following his uncle’s example.“Your dad and I used to do this all the time,” Eric senior said, drawing Eric junior’s.
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