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"Mom, I got to go; I got to go," I blurted out and hurriedly walked away barely escaping my mother's grasping hand. All during the rest of the day, Mom's words repeated themselves in my mind. If only I had the courage to let Mom fix my hair; if only I had the courage to do what I wanted to do, it would be so much fun; I know it, I just know it!That evening we all waited for Dad to come home. Sue spotted him through the living room blinds. "I see him. I see Daddy." We all ran to the window to watch him walk up the long gravel driveway. Dad was sure strong. I could tell by the way he carried one bulging bag on his shoulder and another big duffel bag swaying in his hand like it was a newspaper. Mom and Dad were always kidding me about how little I was and how big my father was. We knew in the one bag there was something for each of them. Of course we wanted to see our father, but were also dying to see what he brought them."Hi, Hon," Dad said, giving Mom a kiss, not a romantic mushy. I was racked with guilt and lust.The night before the funeral, everything was ready. The girls had leftfor the evening. The mood was somber. We started to talk about my wifeand daughter, our collective memories of trips to the beach, an artgallery visit to London, a family holiday in Cornwall.I noticed that Rosie was crying, something I had never seen before.However dark her mood, she had always reached for anger, not sorrow. "Iloved her, you know. Really loved her. Her argument with her mother wasabout me. I killed them. It was my fault."I was struck dumb. It all made sense. "That's why I'm here. To look afteryou. To make up for the guilt." Before I could say anything she pressedon. "I'm sorry, and I know I have a funny way of showing it, but you arevery dear to me. You're her father." With that she curled up in my lap,just as she used to.I suppose I should have been angry. Maybe I should have thrown Rosie outof the house there and then. My daughter had been having an affair.
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