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As I did that I looked at the rest of mybody. It was mine I knew, but still it looked so foreign to me. I lookeddown past my tummy to see... nothing. No penis or balls hanging, nothingnot even pubic hair. Just smooth skin running up between my legs. Thatis when I had enough. I turned, shut off the light and returned to mybed.I laid down and my mind was racing. I closed my eyes hoping to calm downand fall back asleep. Instead I started thinking about something fromlong ago in my past. Something I had never shared with anyone. Only oneother person knew of this but they were dead. I swore I heard mymother's voice calling to me like she did so many years ago...."Paul are you up here? Paul answer me young man!" I heard the attic dooropen. My mother yelled for me again as she was reaching the top of thestairs.My actions of that morning flooded my memory like it had happened today.What was I thinking! It all started so innocently. I don't know whatcame over me that day. An hour and a half. Ashira lay her head down on Jake’s shoulder. ‘Shira, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I need to be alone for awhile,’ Jake said gently. Ashira sighed but kissed Jake’s cheek and headed back into the house. -8 weeks later- ‘Trevor?’ Ashira asked as she turned a corner and walked into a diner. Her friend turned and smiled. ‘Hey,’ Trevor said. ‘How are you?’ Ashira asked. ‘Let me buy you lunch and I’ll tell you,’ Trevor offered. Ashira nodded and slid into the booth across from Trevor. The two friends caught up on the events of the past two months. ‘How are you and Jake?’ Trevor asked. Ashira sighed and fiddled with the straw in her juice. ‘We’ve been better. We’ve hardly talked since the funeral,’ Ashira admitted. Trevor rolled his eyes and glanced up as the door opened. ‘What are you doing here?’ Trevor asked as Jake walked up to them. Ashira started to smile and slid over before motioning for Jake to join them. ‘I was looking for my wife, but had I realized she was.
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