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How can one just surrender their thoughts, their senses? I go through the days of my regular life having to be serious, stay serious… stay in control of myself. Coolly dealing with the realities of life. How then do I surrender myself? The very thought of doing this awakens something in me that has lain dormant. I WANT IT! To not be bound by anything, to explore and be explored. To discover and be discovered, mind… body… soul… all senses. Oh, the allure! The attraction of just letting go… getting lost in such sweet surrender! The very thought frightens me, and yet makes my soul ache for it. I can see it, you know. I can write here for you about it, for here in my words… my little world, I am free to do as I choose. Her words, again, and so true, again. How could I not see it… picture it? I can, in my mind, and in these words, surrender myself to it… to her. Only here. No, not a whole narrative, dear reader. You understand, don’t you? I see flashes of it, for it is only in. I only knew him as Simon and I was not even sure that I had ever told him my name. All I knew is that here I was in my home town with a guy who had really sent me to heaven. I should tell you that I never ever invite anyone back to my apartment. My clients do not know where it is and have only an unlisted mobile number to contact me. They know me only as Seb, short for Sebastian my real first name. But this was different. Here I was with the guy of my dreams, brought together by who knows what chance and I threw caution to the winds and asked him if he wanted to come home with me and relax so that we could begin to get to know one another better. Simon accepted with alacrity and I could see that he was as taken with me as I was with him. I said to Simon that we did not even know each other’s names to which he responded and said, “Well my name is Simon David Watson and I am originally from a small farming community near Stockton, in the Central Valley of California.” I stopped dead.
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