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Why after all these years of evolution, would man, who can fly to the moon, have to suffer this? I was in a horrifying state, the pain absorbed all of my thoughts and just as I was close to crying out for help, for the second time on my holiday the Angels sung for me.That little green and blue cross is the same in every language and hallelujah to the motherfucker who invented it. There she was, amnesty, pharmacy whatever you wanna’ call it. At that point, soothing ass relieving cream that’s what I called it. I went in there, all confidence chewed up like cows cud, and with a held back tear said, ‘Haemorrhoid cream please.’ She knew the word, I wasn’t the only man to ever ask for haemorrhoid cream. But fuck it’s embarrassing man, like asking for condoms and some KY jelly.Like a crab with the winning lottery ticket, I edged outta’ that place before making my way up two flights of stairs to the public toilets. Some people I know don’t like to sit on public loos in case they catch. "At the time, as I lay there that night, you seemed the handsomest and most desirable man in the world. It was only the next morning, as I remembered how wonderful it had been and wished I had someone I could tell about it, that it even crossed my mind that a confidante would be surprised at my choice of dream lover. So, yes, then I did puzzle over why most women wouldn't find you as sexy as I did, just as I couldn't see why it had taken me so long to notice it." Having said this, she sighed with relief as if not having fancied me from the start were some shameful secret she had had to steel herself to own up to."How did you account for it, then?"She smiled. "With a bit of amateur psychoanalysis," she said. "I thought, first of all, it's natural that a young woman should want a man, and second, it's also natural that a lovely kind man like James should be on my mind when he's suffered a family tragedy and needs my help. So, I thought, these two perfectly natural things must have got.
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