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God, what a buffoon I am. The kid’s nineteen, and me thirty five. I’m sure this is going to be a real meaningful relationship. Very special. And I’m sure that if it doesn’t work out, she’ll be real fucking mature about it, too. I’m sitting in a parking lot at the mall at eight o’clock on a Tuesday, waiting for a nineteen year old kid to meet me. She knows I’m in a silver Chevy Tahoe, and that I'm parked at the back of the mall on the Macy’s side, off by myself. And what are we going to do when she gets here? Shit! What else are we going to do? Her nineteen, me thirty five. Discuss politics? Religion? How much we have in common, and how I knew we were destined for each other from the first time I saw her profile and chatted with her? Right. The first time we chatted, I knew this was going to happen. Why else would I have bothered? Since my first long term relationship, back when I was in college, I haven’t seen a girl younger than myself, so why didn’t I just ignore her request to. My family and friends didn’t rush out of hiding yelling ‘Happy Belated Birthday.’The feeling of being closed in was relieved, though. I put my arms up, hands clasped behind my head, and tried to slow down my breathing, as I frantically tried to figure out what was going on. I knew I needed to lose some of the adrenalin that my body had dumped into my system before I would be capable of the rational thoughts necessary to figure this out. It would also help warm me up.Thought became action, as I began moving through the Aikido katas I’d learned over fifty years ago, and had practiced almost every day since then. The movements were rushed and jerky, unworthy of a novice much less a black belt of my standing and experience. Regardless, the exercise was doing what I’d hoped. As the adrenalin began to leave my body the panic slowly receded with it, and my breathing began to even out. My mind was still racing but at least I could think now.It was bad enough I had a missing chunk of time.
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