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" You sound almost as if you're in love with him," teased Alice."What? No-no-no-no-no-no-no, that's just squicky!" Becky pantomimedshoving something disgusting away. "Like I said, you might like him. Inany case, I haven't seen him this summer since a couple weeks aftergraduation." Why not? What happened?" asked Jen softly. "Did he leave?" No," answered Becky. "For some reason, I have no idea why, my parentspacked me up and sent me to stay with my aunt. It was she who introducedme to Bikini Beach, and, um..." she trailed off with a blush and a giggle."Then what?" I asked, curious."Nothing, nothing." She blushed even further, giggling all the more."I get it," said Alice. "You got a boyfriend, and --" No!" -- you had sex." No-no-no!" Becky burst into tears."Dear Becky," said Alice. "We are all friends here. You can confide inus. We'll only tease you a little bit."This conversation was getting embarrassing -- naughty even. I just satstill, frozen, all nerves."No! I never. Wade and a woman’s right to choose. I was always highly in favor of that – not through any inherent nobility, only for my own fear of responsibility. I was grateful that a woman could look at me, look at her swelling womb, and decide ‘bad idea.’ I describe all this simply to point out that I was in no way an inherently heroic man. I was a human being, filled with faults and frailty, and consumed with the idea that I must fulfill my desires, and meet my expectations, if I was ever to live the life I dreamed of. And to this and I considered my own happiness paramount, disregarding the feelings of others, and taking every obstacle to my sense of self worth as a personal attack. I do not consider this behavior unusual – it is virtually ubiquitous, in my opinion – particularly among the very young. Acceptance is not easy – life had to hit me over the head with a hammer every day for many years to teach me that I was not in charge, and that those who blocked my desires not only were not.
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