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We even ended up having phone sex once. her last message to me was asking if i wanted to meet. there was a shop down the block of her apartment and that would be a good place to meet. i knew by how she was talking that meeting met sex. i was ready for it. i put on a nice tight t shirt and my jeans, i was freshly cut and carry with me condoms and gum just in case. i got to the shop a bit early so i got something to drink and waitedi didnt have to wait long as soon after i drank half my drink i heard a voice. "hello there sexy, glad to meet you, im amy" she said as i looked up to see she wasnt what i thought. she was beautiful just very short. "hi there happy to meet you" i said as she smiled. i see you think i would look like this" "well it was a bit of a shock but not a problem for me, i dont care about looks." i said as she sat down. we talked briefly until she said "how about we go back to my place for a drink?" i said yes so we went. her place we nice alot of pink but still nice.. People in town looked at me a just sneered in disgust at me. Men kept hitting on me for a fuck date when their wives weren’t around. I hadn’t taken a lover since the day my husband died and would never again either. I finally had to move a couple hours drive away where I wasn’t known by anyone and only the boys, my brother and his wife knew where I lived now. I had attempted suicide twice and was seeing a therapist, taking anti-depressants daily and going to sex addiction group meetings. I was losing weight and looking very old now for a woman that was only 40, I looked 60. I didn’t care anymore, I wanted to die. Al and Julie visited with me weekly and tried to snap me out of the funk I was in. Without my boys I didn’t have the will to live anymore. I was responsible for the deaths of 10 young men and it ate at my very soul. Now on the anniversary of Robert’s death I am looking at the letter I got in today’s mail. Those three haunting words ‘Wait For It.’ I am waiting for it and I am.
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