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Then a girl of age 20s came and sat beside my right hand seat, she look average thin girl brown color not so interesting, bus started and my left hand side seat that is window seat was empty I thought it is empty and I am not so interest in beside girl as she is not so cute. But I thought let’s try if we get any chance we can enjoy the night, so I thought to take some chance and to have some fun with her in journey. She is traveling alone, so I introduced myself and try to talk with her but she is not interest in talking with me, so its time is already 9pm it crossed Vizag city and traveling in highway, lights are just off and playing some movie so I just acted as slept and try to touch her, but placing my elbow near to her hands and rubbing her hands and with my legs rubbing her thighs she feeling un easy which I can see her face and moving far away from me and not responding to me, so I thought its waste of time and thought very bad luck today and I went to sleep. Now the bus. After Uncle Bunny told me what Mama had said, I started crying again, partly in relief, and partly in sorrow that I had caused all of this to take place. It was a good thing that Mama gave in, because I had already learned that those walls I'd built up, somehow weren't working. They only worked when you didn't actually love people, or when those people didn't love you back. It was something I had used at the orphanage, to pretend to be stronger than I was. I needed to be emotionally detached, to appear more self sufficient than I really was. I could still run away inside my mind and hide, I just couldn't do it without feelings now. I had lost the ability to do that. I was now just as vulnerable as anyone else. Maybe that had always been true, but now I knew that it was. I felt exposed."I can't just go back there, not after this. I need some time to think about things. Tell Mama I love her, and I'm sorry, but I need to still figure a lot of things out. This thing with Brenda is causing.
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