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" I will, Mom," I said, and heard Suzanne giggle like a schoolgirl before she said goodbye.The next call was to Heather, who had left five messages over the last forty-eight hours. The person that answered told me I'd called a pay phone and it took several tries describing my sister before the person recognized whom I was talking about.Heather came to the phone, wanting to know why I hadn't sent the money I'd promised for December. Needless to say, Andy had not won a single event yet. I pointed out that there were still four days remaining in November, but it fell on deaf ears. Heather said they needed money now and I agreed to wire her two hundred and fifty dollars, to be followed by five hundred per week over the next three weeks. "You can expect the last two hundred and fifty after I know you've gotten home in time to celebrate your son's fourth birthday." Why can't you send the two thousand you promised, Sammy? Don't you trust me?" she asked, sounding dead serious.I verified the. I knocked on the door, but all Icould hear was Emma sobbing. "Emma, please come out and let's talk."I knocked again, but there was no response."Emma, please, we need to talk."There wasn't much else I could do. The door was locked, so I would haveto wait for her to emerge. There were so many thoughts chasing aroundin my mind. She obviously knew what I was. Was she gay, or bi? Was thisa rebound thing? Should I ask her to leave? Why had I reacted the way Idid? Had I enjoyed any of it?Grabbing a beer, I sat down and asked myself some questions which werelong overdue an answer. Why did I cross-dress? Sure, I enjoyed it andit made me feel good, but why? Was I using it to escape from something?I didn't feel bad as Jos?, but being Josie made me see and feel thingsdifferently. Did I have to be one or the other? Couldn't I be both?I was sure I wasn't gay. I didn't fancy boys, either as Josie or Jos?.I liked the idea of meeting others like me, but not for sex. Girlsattracted me, whether as.
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