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The truth was I felt lost without her. I felt alone. She was in a similar mindset despite loving the life she was now making for herself."I miss holding you at night and how you smelled and your warmth," I confessed."I miss you too. But I know why you moved out," she admitted."Yeah I think Mom was about to bust us," I said."What do you miss most?" she asked.I really had no barrier now. I could say exactly what I was thinking and maybe she'd just hang up?"I miss how you taste in my mouth. I miss kissing you and then kissing my way down your chest and then licking you until you came," I said.Keep in mind that while my sister and I were fucking around, it kind of became our secret. We never discussed it in daylight or openly. We just did what we did. Now though, I felt like I had nothing to lose.My sister hadn't responded to anything I'd just said. I just figured I would keep going..."I miss touching you and how soft that spot near your hip bone is. I miss how your stomach twitched when. Now that it did, I was able to look at a man differently, even though nothing about him had changed.Etienne was charming and I could see that with all his qualities, he could be someone it would be possible and even reasonable to care about.That was it; that was what had been missing. When the entire focus of a relationship is what he can do for me, it isn't possible to develop feelings for someone who is, essentially, a tool. Adding the concepts of what can I do for him and can I care for him, it's not clear you can have one without the other.Nonetheless, Etienne was not someone I cared for. He was too far behind to ever catch up to Jeff.If somehow Jeff had not been a part of my life, Etienne would have made a perfectly acceptable husband.He would cheat on me, he was French, but I would be financially independent of my parents. I would rarely see them which suited me just fine.I could party to my heart's content. Little would be asked or expected of me.I would provide him children,.
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