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I shouldn’t have been drinking… it was just a couple of beers. Hell it was Halloween, everyone was drinking. I should have been more alert, I’d have seen the car sooner and could have avoided it. And the look on your face, I can’t see anything but that look on your face, you knew everything we’d dreamed about, everything we promised, everything was to be wrenched from our grasp. You knew… and yet you still managed a smile, you forgave me… even then, you forgave me. How can I face you? In the hospital they told me you’d gone, and the doctor… she didn’t know where to look. She told me I’d be up and about in a couple of days, but they needed to run some more tests, she was embarrassed and I thought it was because of you. When she showed me the x-rays… and explained what was wrong… I thought they’d made a mistake, that they were someone else’s x-rays… they couldn’t be mine. I took it from you… your future… I took it from you with my carelessness. I was supposed to take care of you…. We watched my dad sleep for an hour before he stirred. As soon as his eyes opened, I launched myself at him, trying to hug my way inside him, repeating over and over how sorry I was.Surprisingly, he didn’t need confirmation that I still love him, like mom did. He understood that I was playing the part of the viscous dom trying to break a slave.“So was it everything you hoped it’d be?” Was his only question.I repeated how the experience left me feeling and the desire I had to quit.“Pumpkin, we got through what we did this morning, so we can get through anything. I don’t know if I can ‘perform’ again for a while though. Do you think they could try to make me?”“I don’t even know if they’d involve you. They might think that keeping things a secret from you would keep mom doing what they want. I just have no way of knowing. Should we just sell up and try to hide from them?”“I can’t speak for Patricia, but if she can continue, I will be there right next to you guys.We do have to keep.
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