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When my co-workers talk about men and sex, I pretend to be not interested. But whatever they say remains in my mind. So now when I see Justin at snack-time, I don't just see him but also remember what my friends have said about him. I try to glance at his pants whenever I think he's not looking - just to see if the girls are just teasing or not. And from what I've seen, I think they are telling the truth.I've told you that I used to intend to wait until I was married to my boyfriend before having sex with him, but it's becoming more and more difficult to wait when I'm not even engaged. If he'd already asked me, and if I knew that I was to be married in a few weeks or months, I think I could wait. But I just don't know when my marriage will happen. And because sex is on my mind all the time, I seem to see sex everywhere.Perhaps it was a mistake going to the Christmas party, because what I saw and heard there last night just made me want to give in to my boyfriend right away.So much so. No hesitation.Thursday was bad. He had made no mention of the upcoming weekend and any plans we had of working with his dad. I tried to remember when we went over this last week, and was pretty sure it was Wednesday or Thursday. So when 2:30 rolled around and he still hadn't brought up the subject, I knew I wouldn't be around this weekend.Friday, I drew malicious pleasure in acting cool as iceberg lettuce. I let nothing bother me and faced the world with a radiant smile and enormous good cheer. I realized people had started to talk about me. I acted mystified. "Really?" I asked. "I had no idea I was acting strange."I joined David on the bus and traded jokes with everyone around us. I was the normal Michael again. Even David seemed relieved. He could ease me out of his life now, guilt free. No one stays friends forever, right? I bid him goodbye at his stop with a "See you Monday morning, dude!" and began chatting with Kerrie Fletcher in the row ahead. I swear to God, I thought she had.
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