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This is birth controlThings I've learned from my children... (honest and no kidding!)1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.3. A 3 year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.7. When you hear the words "Uh-oh" it's already to late.8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes. .if not beautiful, then at leastradiantly happy...I almost didn't recognize myself.The portrait was taken on the day that I wound up proposing to Lisa. Shehad volunteered to be one of three dozen girls who would march in theannual Heritage Day Parade dressed in the full antebellum finery of atraditional Southern Belle, and I had been excited, perhaps too excited,about the opportunity to see her in full costume. As it had turned out,however, only thirty-five young ladies were able to arrive at thecommunity center on the morning of the parade. Before I knew it, Lisaand a desperate Belle wrangler named Gretchen had conspired to dress mefrom head to toe in lavender. Not only was I issued a ball gown, butalso a hoopskirt, pantaloons, wig, hat, parasol, and, of course, the pairof long satin gloves that went all the way up over my elbows.After the parade, however, and the excitement of our engagementannouncement, the Heritage Day Parade quickly faded into the past. Itook the dress and.
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