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‘What’s the plan for today’, I asked, my eyes drawn to his friends six pack, ‘My god’, I thought, ‘he’s hung like a fucking stallion’, it was so in my face, I had to laugh out loud, surely that pose he had adopted was meant for me to see? Both guys were cool, I guess they got the response they had hoped for. ‘Listen you guys, I’m not here to provide sex for you’, I said pointing to his friend, ‘and you’, I said, shifting my point to my husband, ‘I don’t know what you two have conspired, but I am not fucking with him’. Deep down, I really did not believe it myself, especially with a poorly hidden six pack like that, I could feel myself wetting in nervous anticipation. We had gone to the hotel disco that night, where both men imbibed me with enough alcohol to sink the Titanic, and back in the room both undressed in front of me, and I stood, just knowing his friend would show me his ‘six pack’, to stir my sex juices, and I did not have long to wait. He was undressing and hubby went to. The only thing I’ll say is that one of the last things he told me was, ‘when I get up there and they ask me what I liked best, I’ll tell them about you’. People use the word ‘void’. For me it was just the opposite. There was no void, I wasn’t empty. I was filled. I was filled with Michael, with anger, with despair. I was filled with loss. Michael’s death brought me to the second Great Unshakable Truth. I would never be loved like that again. Nobody could and nobody would. I never thought that thought but it was always with me. I’ve lived across the bridge for all these years and I’ve never come back until today. Ben thought I should and I know now that he was right. I’m living with Ben David, a structural engineer who’s brought calm to my life. The strange thing is that the calm comes in a year when I’m changing jobs and we’re moving to England for Ben’s work. It’s Wednesday and it makes me smile to remember how many times I’d heard Michael say ‘It’s Wednesday’. Wednesday was the day.
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