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For some reason she had covered the top half of her swimsuit with a thin white tee shirt. Perhaps she wore it out of modesty, or perhaps as a result of a poor body image. This was something he never understood, these beautiful women afraid to reveal their voluptuousness, savor their curves, cowed by the skinny perfection of the girls on the covers of Cosmo and Elle. He wore loose shorts and a tee shirt, unaware that swimming would be an option. He felt reasonably attractive—not much of a pot belly, muscled legs, a ready smile—enough so that he wish he’d worn a bathing suit. He was willing to show off a little. Their girls splashed and played in the water. Ashe and he made small talk. After a time she began to talk about her ex-husband. He drank too much, she told him. He stared at other women when he was with her. She checked through his phone and found a trove of emails to some woman he worked with. It was like a letter to an advice columnist, with generic complaints from a failed. It never progressed beyond weakness in my left hand. But for those three years I lived with it, and I was pretty fearless about living. I wasn’t an asshole about it; at least once I got through all the normal phases. 1. Grief, 2. Denial, 3. Anger, (That would be the asshole phase), 4. Bargaining, (That would be with God, “I will be a good person and live a good life if….” and in my case, it worked!), 5. Depression (Another phase of asshole behavior), and 6. Acceptance, which is where I was at by the time I started college. I was still feeling emotional bouts of the other phases off and on, but I was in college, doing something with my life, living my life. And for me, sex was a big part of living, and still is ;). I kept my condition private, if anyone noticed and asked about my weak hand, I’d say it was nerve damage from a martial arts training injury. I knew what my end was going to be, if I allowed it to get that far. The doctors were very clear about how things were going to.
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