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Even before you started selling them...”We see a deluxe model, moulded, shiny latex dogcock sitting on the table. It looks very realistic and has the expanding knot and a little ball attached to pump cum through. Top of the line. It’s actually the model we copied when we produced our own Deluxe version of the UK of Zoo ‘Rocky’ Dog Dildo.Then we’re looking at file footage from our own archive – a couple of production staff at our office sorting through stacks of applications for the show. Looking at various pictures. Sharp eyed viewers will recognise a pre-plastic surgery Charley doing some of the sorting.“And then your show started – and I was just obsessed ... I actually applied for the third or fourth series, and missed out ... So, I was meeting up with people hoping they would have a dog, or that they might know someone who owned one ... But they never did...”We finally cut back to Fiona at her desk, leaning forward and chatting direct to camera. “Then, during the lockdown, I just. And there it was:If I were a wealthy maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!I’ve had bigger rounds of applause, but it was clear people hadn’t been offended. Asim in particular stared at me like a toddler waiting in line to shake hands with Mickey Mouse. I noticed Oleg had made his way to Guy’s mixing desk and was now using his iPad to browse for the next song. God forbid Hava Nagila or Yo Ya was actually up next: I had to draw the line somewhere. Likewise, L’chaim would probably be pushing it, but I doubted the entire Fiddler playbook would be available. Still, I was a bit nervous as Oleg flipped through the catalogue. To fill the gap, I chatted with the audience a bit. Not sure what I said, but it was probably something about having had a lovely evening and heading back to port. Then the clarinet player reached into his inside pocket and produced a harmonica. He was sat nearest the stage and calmly walked on, standing next to me at the microphone. The piano struck up and I didn’t even need to hear two.
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