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Someone should warn that men's hairbrush that his lady friend is a child abuser. Of course, maybe he's an abuser too - in someone else's hand.Hairbrushes are like that, and you can even use them to brush hair.The cosmic conspiracy forced the issue. I had to buy it for him. John's own hairbrush was so worn out - so many of the bristles were gone - that it was practically a comb. It was only a dollar more than mine, and it was his birthday.Why the Hell not?I added it to the order and finished it out, choosing express shipping so it would arrive in time. They even had gift boxes.By the time John arrived home - hours later - I had stopped crying and my face wasn't puffy anymore. My eyes weren't bloodshot. He would be none the wiser.A few days passed and the package arrived. I wrapped the two boxes. It was obvious which was which without having to open them. "Lady Ellen" printed on the lid was sort of a giveaway. In a way, it was funny. I felt like each box was a coffin with a vampire. “Oh yeah, any way I can help.”She smiled and sighed in relief. As we walked to the door I reached over and took her hand in mine. I leaned close and whispered, “If we are going as a couple we should act like one.” She smiled again and squeezed my hand.The party was an elegant affair. Fancy food, classy music. Thanks goodness I know how to dance . It wasn’t very far into the evening that this middle aged man with a comb over came over to our table. He went straight to Brianna and I could tell he was looking down the front of her dress at her breasts. When he turned to me I stood up and shook his hand with tremendous force. I could tell I hurt his hand while I stared at him like he owed me money. I introduced myself, “I’m Bill, & I’m Brianna’s boyfriend. I understand you two have some interesting conversations.”I continued to lock on to him with my shit-stare, straight in the eyes. He seemed uncomfortable and I could tell he was intimidated by me. Perfect. He mumbled something, then.
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