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Come out, come out, wherever you are...” She giggles.We cut to the main entrance to the set. The big double doors creaking and rolling open just a couple of feet – wide enough to allow one man and his dog to enter ... And what a dog it is... Weighing in at just over a hundred kilos and standing just under a meter tall, with shaggy dark brown and white coloured fur ... It’s Goliath, the 5 year old St Bernard we first met in a couple of episodes of our fourth series. Last year he got to destroy two of our forty-something year old guests, but this year we’re treating him to something a little younger!We hear Victoria’s reaction from across the studio, “Oh fuck-king heck ... It’s a monster!!” We cut to a close up of her in time to see a wide and slightly fearful smile on her face.We cut back to Goliath in time to see a close-up of his collar being unhooked, then watch him as he continues to walk at a relaxed pace toward the bed. He knows there’s a woman waiting for him, he’s not blind,. When I returned, I asked the guard at the desk where my new ‘office’ was. He pointed to a door with a piece of poster board taped on it marked ‘Toilet and Copier Repair’. ‘Thanks,’ I said, as I headed over to what used to be a janitorial supply closet. I opened a door and there was a young man that looked like a teenager sitting on a bucket with straws sticking out of his nose. ‘I guess you’re my assistant, huh?’ The kid jumped up and pulled the straws from his nose. ‘Yes Sir, I’m Darren Dagwood, at your service,’ he said, giving me a salute. ‘At ease. What’s with the straws?’ I asked pointing at the recent nostril invaders. ‘Fetish, Sir.’ ‘Up your nose?’ I asked. That was a new one on me. ‘No, I only do that when I can’t shove them up my…’ ‘Alright. Alright,’ I said not wanting to hear anymore. ‘Get a mop and bucket ready. We have a lot of rounds to make,’ I said, holding up the pager. ‘You have…fifty nine…new messages of which…’ I changed and did my best to hide the soiled.
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