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"I found myself distracted as we talked, with Helen sitting across from me. She was leaning forward, and the flickering candle set in the blood red holder was casting fascinating shadow across her face. Her chin was resting on her hands and those perfect breasts kept catching my eye where her dress gapped open slightly. The shadows were more interesting than a spot light. I just hoped she wasn't noticing.After a pause I continued, "Since I was widowed I've done a little bit of poking around the state. It's kind of fun, and I always feel like I've accomplished something afterward. I'm never sure quite what though, looking back after each trip."Just then our lunch arrived, and we were surprised to find we were hungry so we just fell to. After dinner I walked her back over to the Texaco station to check on her car. As we walked, Helen confessed her husband's sniping at her car was on the money. She was an accountant, a CPA actually, and the first nice thing she had purchased for herself. If only the pathetic 2 inch strip of meat could be gone when I say so. It is of no use to me.I have had girlfriends in the past, but I have never had a desire to penetrate them. Play with their breasts, sure, but no desire to get inside them. I want to play their role. I want to be in their position. I want to lie naked on the bed, seduce the other person to caress my naked body, play with my breasts, spank my ass.I'm not gay, I tried to be, but I can't be. I don't find men attractive. Perhaps its a self loathing, that I hate being a man. It would be fun to have sex with a guy as a woman, but I cannot imagine kissing a guy, or going on a date with one. Men are not for me. My biggest fantasies involve me being submissive. To be tied up, stripped naked, spanked, whipped, fucked with a strapon. Like the lesbian bondage videos I watched as a teen. I didn't even masturbate to them back then, I just marvelled at them, wishing I was the girl who was tied up in the video, being dominated by.
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