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I don’t know if there is any saving your father, but if anyone can, it would be them,” Mom assured us now.I began pumping on Dad’s chest as hard as I could to try to revive him, but he really seemed to be fading fast. His skin was cold and clummy, his breath non-existent despite Mom’s attempts to resuscitate him mouth-to-mouth. It was clear to me that Mom had been Dad’s last sexual partner, which seemed fitting in a sort of “final reconciliation” way and that perhaps Dad just wanted to leave this world happy. I didn’t voice those thoughts right then, though. It might jinx things, because ultimately, we’d still prefer to keep Dad alive.I kept trying, while Vera, Alex, and Zoe all tried mouth-to-mouth. When the emergency team arrived, they found Dad as cold as ice and not breathing at all, my every attempt vain and useless. They took over for several more minutes, but nothing seemed to work. They check Dad’s pulse. Nothing. Nada. Gone. He literally had no pulse at all, not even faint.. That will be a great blow for me.Losing his relationship is the biggest disaster than my current love and lust for him. My unfortunate situation and the frustration of his distance from me has disturbed me a lot. I lost focus on my work. My mind always started to be in a dream with him.I started imagining that he is closer to me and started fantasizing him. I questioned myself, “Hey all these are related to infatuation? Or sexual attraction on the opposite sex as I am missing real sex with my hubby?” After thinking a lot and experimenting (masturbating) I felt that my desire for him did not come down.I felt that this is some special feeling I am having on Kishore. My desperate helpless situation killed me a lot. Lost focus on work. I made many silly mistakes in my office work. I was unable to focus clearly on anything. I got angry at silly things.One day I made a very simple and high visible mistake in office. One of my manager’s name is Ashish when I wrote an email to him copying 25.
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