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Have a good night, Hun.” “You too. I bet you’ll have a great night. Have fun!” “Okay. I love you.” “Love you too.” After I hung up with Nate, I stared at my phone for a good five minutes before I got over myself and called her. “Kat?” She sounded surprised. “Hey, Lara.” My stomach was in my throat, suffocating me and making my voice sound like I’d been on a three-day bender. “Kat, I’m so sorry. What happened the other night… I thought there was a moment. I didn’t mean to ruin anything. I love you – as a friend – and I’ve felt really shitty about the whole thing. I didn’t mean to ruin anything.” “No, it’s okay, Lara. Really. It’s okay. I… Ummm… I’m actually calling about that. I’m calling to tell you that, well, I, I can’t get it out of my mind. You. Us. The thought of us being together. I can’t stop thinking about it.” I could hear her take a sharp breath in. “You mean you want to have sex?” “Maybe. Yes.” “Okay. Do you want to come over and we can talk and just see, I guess, what. Well, to be honest, my parents basically coerced me into doing it and making me feel guilty if I refused. They wanted me to live no matter what, so the only way to throw off their suspicions that I was eagerly awaiting death was to feint hopelessness and fear towards the treatment. I eventually agreed to treatment under one condition: if I didn’t see any results before New Year’s or I started losing my hair, I was going to quit. I didn’t have high expectations, but I would do it to get my parents off my back.On my first day of chemotherapy, I found myself in a room with other cancer patients, all sitting in chairs lining the walls. Each one was hooked up to an IV, and their stages of treatment were all visible on their emaciating bodies. Considering the time it took for each session, everyone had methods of keeping boredom at bay. There were laptops, handheld game consoles, books, and one of the kids was even playing with a Rubik’s Cube. I sat by the window, letting the poison run.
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