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"Good luck, sweetie!"That's when I knew.I was done. My life as a man was over.A couple of buff security guys grabbed me by the arms, but they didn'tneed to.I knew.I had surrendered.+++++The first step of pink collar training came pre-surgery. Surgery wasalmost like graduation, or maybe the prom. The trainers kept telling ushow excited we would be when our surgery date drew closer.For now, we were still just a bunch of boys.I took note of the newly pinked members of my class--about fifteen of usin total.A couple of them were fags. They were the loudest in class. I don't knowif their volume was designed to cover up their absolute lack of self-confidence or what. Surely these two never meant to become breeders. Theywould be the world's biggest fools if they thought they could pass thattest.Their names were Chase and Mario, but they had already changed theirnames to Cherry and Angel. Perfect trashy names for a couple of girls whocould not wait to get their well-used asses back out on the. If only - are there any sadder words? If only I could stop seeing images of her with those officers. I keep replaying conversations I had with those men, wondering if they ever let me hear them laughing at me, taunting me. Every time I start talk to Jenny about holding her in bed, or more, I'm flooded with the image of one of those fat slobs rutting on her. Then I want to throw up as I 'hear' her cries of passion ringing in my ears.As I lay here I can hear her breathing, she's asleep. Normally I'm asleep before she is. I've been taking a prescription sleeping pill since my first appointment with my shrink. The first two nights in bed with her, I didn't sleep a wink. I'm not sure why I didn't take one tonight, I think I wanted to see if I could sleep without it, or maybe just think things through. I do know one thing; I think I'm going to have to ask her to talk about some of the things she did in that trailer. I need to understand her side of it and I know I can't do that until we.
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